Thursday, November 22, 2012

Controlling the Process of Letting Go

This morning I got an email that someone had made a purchase from my Etsy shop.  Instead of being excited I felt panic, because there are about 20 items in there that I want to keep for myself.  I'm really ok with letting things go, I just want to have a say in when they actually leave.  I've since gone in to my shop and taken a couple things down that I've decided I'm not ready to part with. Ryan told me this was going to be my biggest problem--not wanting to sell anything.  So far I've only kept 3 things that I purchased for the shop, so I think I'm doing ok.


The purchase was this red halter dress from the 70's   --------------->

It was a maxi when I purchased it and I considered just leaving it as it was because it was absolutely gorgeous, but...I have a hard time leaving things alone.  This habit plays into all aspects of my life.  I like to think I know how to make/think/do things better than they're currently being made/thought/done.  I can be really controlling.

Its a wonder that I have any friends at all.  Or that I'm married.   My friends and husband are ANGELS!

This WAS an item that, had it still been around when the weather got warmer, I would have been wearing myself.   I'm a little sad to let it go but I'm sure the girl that purchased it will love it just as much, if not more, than me.

...and on a completely unrelated note...

Harrison, the little darling, decided that the BEST time to first leap from a crib would be at Grandma and Grandpa's house during Thanksgiving vacation.  Ryan and I were sitting in the kitchen, letting the little guy cry it out since it was already 2 hours past his bedtime, when all of a sudden we noticed the crying getting closer and closer.  We jumped up and ran toward his room just in time to see him running out, crazy eyed, hair mussed, hysterically crying but with an excited glint in his eye.


After letting him lay in bed with us for 20 minutes he finally fell back asleep.  We placed him in his crib and pulled down the exceptionally uncomfortable...I don't know what you call it, its a bed that is hidden in the wall.  We pulled that thing down and slept by Harrison so if (when) he woke up again we would be ready to see how he had gotten loose.  After only 5 minutes that child sensed he was no longer snuggled between his wonderful parents and completely flipped out, springing up like Tigger and throwing his left leg over the crib with such ease you would think he was Gumby.  We watched in awe as our tiny toddler started to hoist himself up over his crib rail, desperately trying to get out of the awful cage that we had lined with literally the softest materials ever.  Where he got his upper body strength I'll never know.

Knowing that there was no way we could leave him in his crib unsupervised we let him sleep with us for the first time.  It was wonderful...for about an hour.  Three days later its awful.  I haven't slept.  My back hurts. My neck feels all weird because 2 nights ago I woke up and Harrison was USING my neck as a PILLOW but I didn't want to move him because he was FINALLY sleeping so I just laid there, awake, in a weird position while Harrison snored peacefully.

That child.

Having him has made me even more of a control freak about little things (where the placemats are, what we watch on TV, whether or not we turn on the overhead fan) because I'm so out of control with the big things (when Harrison will walk, talk, climb, leap, fall, will he be smart, will he be a good driver, will he have friends IT DRIVES ME CRAZY NOT TO BE ABLE TO CONTROL THESE THINGS).

I have got to get it together or I'll end up being the crazy mother who all the kids think is super weird which in turn will make Harrison super weird.

Something to think about.

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